lily jean

Hello, everyone! Welcome (or welcome back!)

The feedback I received on my last post was extremely kind and supportive. Thank you to everyone who stopped by to check it out—I’m excited about the future of this page! I was left with a dilemma, though… what to write next? It’s easy to write an introduction and overview… it’s harder to figure out where to go from there!

There were a few different directions I was considering when brainstorming this post. I drafted some versions of some of my big life events, such as my diagnosis and my jaw surgery. Then, I immediately got nervous and archived them all. 

(Don’t worry, I’ll hold onto them until my imposter syndrome goes away. Then you’ll get to hear all of my deepest darkest secrets.)

I can’t guarantee poetry, though it may certainly occur, but I stand behind my former mission. And yes, I will get around to those other topics at some point, but for now I thought I’d begin with one of my favorite trends to emerge online: the in/out list. 

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IN: Self Care

OUT: Self Sabotage

My mom always told me to ‘be kind to myself’. She was referring to things I didn’t really want to do (like taking my supplements or going to physical therapy) and gently trying to get me to take better care of myself. We all know how much we love to listen to our parents, so I ignored that advice for a long time. I developed a bad habit of self destruction. For example, when I worked at Peets in 2016, I survived on a steady diet of cigarettes and coffee. My sorority years were full of really weird mixed drinks and really late nights.

Needless to say, I’d like to finally take her advice. So far, I’ve identified the following as ‘self care’: time with my cat Shaggy, comfy tennis shoes, packing a healthy lunch for work, a 10PM bedtime, yoga stretches, chapters from the book The Creative Act: A Way of Being by Rick Rubin, and a 40oz Stanley cup sized bottle of water and self compassion. And poke bowls.

IN: Poke Bowls

OUT: Pasta Bowls

This one is a little niche, I realize. At the moment, I do have a slight obsession with this poke place down the street from me. You don’t have to like poke, though. 

My overarching point is gluten. I believe that I will have to eliminate it soon, and would love any tips on the best way to launch myself into that lifestyle change. I’ve known for a long time that gluten is an inflammatory food and I should probably avoid it if my Arthritis symptoms ever got too bad. My family also has a history with Celiac disease, so it always seemed inevitable. In 2024, I’m going to try and incorporate healthy, protein filled, gluten-free options into my diet (wish me luck, i’m planning to document the transition!)

IN: Posting Content (Follow Through + Discipline)

OUT: Drafting multiple mock-ups of websites you want to build only to tease its launch publicly and subsequently decide the whole thing was dumb and delete it and hope people forgot you ever said anything in the first place (otherwise known as Chickening Out).

For those of you who speak Taylor Swift, I’d say I’m back in my Fearless era. Simply put, nothing is ever that big of a deal. When I saw the memory from 2018, my first thought was ‘damn, I wish I had started sooner’. Six years ago felt like a blink – although, it also would’ve also equaled approx. 2,190 steps towards mastery. I want to seize opportunities and develop myself artistically, and have the confidence to say ‘who cares’!!! Anyone and anything can be considered ‘a little cringe’ if you approach it from a certain angle, or it can be considered very cool. It just depends on the angle.  

IN: Daisy (from this season of the Bachelor)

OUT: The Entire Franchise of Love Island

I’ve been flaring recently. I’ve also somehow been exposed to every major and minor virus this winter, trudging my way through the season like an eskimo through snow. 

(I’ve been in bed a lot, and binged an entire season of Love Island AUS).

This did not make me feel good. In fact, watching sixteen hot able-bodied Australians fall in love with each other on the island of Mallorca for 8 hours a day probably rewired my brain chemistry permanently. Reality tv stars and Tiktok influencers have really seeped their way into my subconscious, and it’s been tricky to remain grounded and happy in my own skin. I think the digital world and the physical world have been so entwined with each other that it never really feels like we can disconnect, especially when a chronic illness flares up and you’ve suddenly got more time on your hands than you know what to do with.

For those not watching this season of the Bachelor, Daisy is one of 32 women who’s trying to win over Joey. She’s also a badass warrior with a cochlear implant, and she’s been loud and proud about her battle with Lyme disease. Forget Joey–she’s won the world over already. I’m excited to see someone like her being represented on such a major show. So, we’re trading in our Love Island obsession for Daisy and other powerful trailblazers. 

IN: Color Coded Mood Specific Spotify Playlists (specifically, this one I made for January)

OUT: A Constant State of Overwhelm

I wouldn’t say I have anxiety, really. Nor do I think my life is particularly overwhelming, compared to the rest of the world. We all have things going on, we’re all fighting battles. And we all can agree that ever since 2020, a lot of us are recovering from the prolonged period of stress. In my case, over the pandemic I developed a vape addiction, a heavy reliance on CBD gummies, and an unhealthy affinity for bottles of red wine. And panic attacks. And an inability to express myself online the way I used to. 

Not anymore though – that’s officially out, and I’m going to be listening to my curated playlists as I write here, weekly. I’m hoping to calm my natural state of overwhelm, as well as yours, reader. Life is good and everything is going to work out the way it’s supposed to. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that everything is going to be okay. 

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That’s all for now. See y’all next week. 

Xx

Lil